


We Are Not Saying Goodbye

by TheGnomelyOne



Category: The 100, The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Reality, Clexa, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Non-Canonical, Other, Possible Character Death, Soulmates Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-01 23:46:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19187677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGnomelyOne/pseuds/TheGnomelyOne
Summary: I'm a little late to Clexa shipping, but here I am. Lexa didn't need to die, so I fixed it. :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the characters, just my story.

**We Are Not Saying Goodbye**

Saying good-bye to Lexa a second time, after they had… well, after, was harder than the first. But Clarke knew that she was running out of time to meet Octavia. She was afraid of how the other woman might react if she didn’t show up. She was afraid that Octavia meant it when she said that Clarke wasn’t the person she thought she was. Maybe she would have to ask her friend what that meant. If they were still friends.

As she walked through the door to her quarters, intent on collecting her things, it took her a moment to realise that she was not alone. Sitting - no, not sitting, but tied and gagged - on to a chair was a very battered and bloody John Murphy.

Astonishment warring with concern, Clarked hurried over to him, his name a desperate question on her lips. “Murphy?” As she got to the chair, she dropped to her knees, finding that his ankles were chained and he was unconscious, but breathing. His face was a mass of cuts and bruises, both new and old. The piece of cloth that served as a gag was tight enough that it must have hurt the sides of his mouth.

“He’s alive,” a familiar male voice said and Clarked looked up to see Titus, the _fleimkepa_ , Lexa’s councilor in her room. His face was a grim mask, telling her nothing of his purpose. Had he brought her Murphy so that she could take him with her when she left? If that was so, why did it look like the young man had been tortured? Had Titus done that?

Titus moved closer with ease, but stayed far enough back that Clarke couldn’t reach him. He was tall and imposing, even without a weapon. His grey robes were pristine and he seemed at peace - a warning sign to Clarke. Since she’d been in Polis, since she had knelt and swore fealty to Lexa as _Wanheda_ , the Commander of Death, Titus had never seemed at peace. He’d been as angry as the other clan ambassadors at Lexa’s denial of vengeance for the slaughter of 300 of her warriors by people Clarke thought she could trust. It was part of why she had been leaving. She needed to back to Arkadia to find out why Kane would allow something like that to happen. Now though…

“What did you do to my friend?” She demanded of the priest in her best _Wanheda_ voice.

Titus answered calmly, “You friend was caught stealing from people on their way to the Polis market.” He stated it as though it was inarguable and Clarke had to admit that she believed it. Murphy wasn’t the greatest person. Stealing was not below him.

Just then, the bound man moaned softly and started to move. Clarke looked up at him and took his face between her hands. “Hey,” she said, her voice a gentle whisper, “you’re okay.” As she reached up to untie the fabric of the gag, however, she was stopped.

“Please, don’t do that,” he requested, his voice still oddly serene. Already on edge, Clarke felt her heart speed up even more. Something was very wrong.

With an apologetic look, the _fleimkepa_ removed a hand from behind his back, revealing a gun in it. This surprised Clarke. Most Grounders adamantly refused to even _touch_ a gun, let alone hold it like they knew how to shoot. When Mount Weather had been a threat, they had believed that to take up the weapon of a _Mounon_ , a Mountain Man, would make them no better than the enemy and that it would mean death for their entire village. Since Clarke had done what she had to and since a self-destruct had destroyed Mount Weather, that was no longer a real threat. Still, to see Titus holding the black metal in his hand, pointed at her, made Clarke hesitate.

On reflex, Clarke put up her hands in a surrender gesture and slowly got to her feet. “Titus, what is this about?” She asked, the fear she felt coming out in her voice.

Titus moved forward calmly. “I’m sorry it had to come to this, Clarke. Truly I am.”

He didn’t need to say more. He didn’t trust her, had never trusted her. He hated her because Lexa listened to her, heeded her advice more than his. He wanted - no, needed - her out of the way. He needed Lexa to listen to _jus drein jus daun_ \- blood must have blood. It had always been that way, had been the way to solve problems. It was also a barbaric custom and Lexa knew that to have true peace, it had to be done away with. _Jus nou drein jus daun_ \- blood must not have blood. It was a better way, but Titus did not believe that.

“Look,” Clarke began, “I’m leaving right now, okay? Octavia is waiting for me.” She tried to keep her voice as even as possible. He had to know that he was frightening her, but maybe if she could show some strength and courage in the face of danger, it would keep him from doing what he’d obviously come to do. “Let me just take Murphy and we’ll go.”

Titus’ calm demeanour changed from one moment to the next. Anger suddenly radiated from him and he raised the gun again, pointing it directly at Clarke’s chest. “I wish I could. Lexa will never execute her duty while you live.”

Clarke didn’t move. Her eyes darted around her room, trying to think of something, anything to say that might make Titus see reason. He didn’t seem to realise that it wasn’t entirely Clarke’s influence with Lexa that had made her decide to stop the bloodshed. Lexa, as Clarke was starting to see, was before her time. Her ideas were radical to her people, but she enforced them with brutal efficiency. She would kill if she had to, but only as a last resort. Her actions when she took the deal at Mount Weather and left Clarke’s people to be killed had proven that. She was far from weak and Clarked believed that even if she died today, by Titus’ hand, Lexa would continue to seek peace as she had during her rule. In fact…

“Titus, think.” Clarke insisted. “She’s going to know it was you. Do you think that _you_ will live when that happens?”

Titus was ready for that, though. “She’ll think it was him,” he gestured to Murphy with the gun. “Skaikru weapon in the hands of a Skaikru thief.”

Clarke’s eyes strayed to Murphy who looked terrified at being set up. She didn’t blame him. This wasn’t over, though. “Titus, just let us go. Lexa is _Heda_ and she will always do what is right for her people. Everyone knows that she has the power of _Wanheda_ , by my choice. If the Commander of Death chooses _jus nou drein jus daun_ , then shouldn’t the Commander heed that? What if _I_ kill those responsible for the slaughter? What if I can give her Pike, so that he can be executed? _Jus drein jus daun_ would be satisfied, wouldn’t it?”

Clarke saw a change come over Titus. He calmed again, but it wasn’t enough for him to lower the gun. “You would turn on your own people?”

Murphy stared at her, but the look in his eyes was indecipherable to her. She didn’t know him as well as she did Bellamy or Raven, or even Octavia. Maybe what she saw now was respect?

“Not all of them. They don’t _all_ need to die, just the ones who did the killing. I will do it. I will bring Pike back here, to Lexa, for _wamplei kom thauz kodon_. Would that be enough to appease the clans?” Clarke heard a sound from the room next door and knew that Lexa was coming. “Please, Titus. If you let me go, I can do it. I will do what I have to, to protect my people, even if it means the deaths of some of them. We have a saying where I’m from, ‘the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few’.”

 _“Clarke?”_ Lexa called from her room. Footsteps approached the door rapidly. Clarke said nothing more, letting her eyes plead with Titus’. She already knew that this would likely mean the death of Bellamy and several others, but if it would keep Lexa’s peace, if it would end the blockade, she would do it. Maybe, just maybe, she could make them see what they had done wrong.

The door opened at the same time that Titus hid the gun in his robes.

“Clarke?” Lexa said, her face perplexed and her eyes searching. “Why are you still here? I thought you had to get to Octavia?” Then she saw Titus. “What are you doing in _Wanheda’s_ room, Titus?”

Clarke knew better than to lie to Lexa, not just because of how dangerous she knew the other woman to be, but also because of what they had recently shared. Of what she hoped to share with her in the future.

“He came to kill me and frame my friend.” Clarke stated, gesturing to Murphy. Lexa saw him and her eyes became hard chips of green ice. She turned her glare on Titus, who quailed visibly.

“What is the meaning of this, _Fleimkepa_ ?! _Ron ai ridiyo op_!” Lexa demanded of Titus, her voice an angry roar. Titus fell to his knees. She took several steps forward, her body tensing for a strike, though she had no weapons.

“She lies, _Heda_. I only came to offer my help.”

Lexa was not stupid, however. “And that one?” She gestured behind her at the bound and gagged Murphy.

Titus’ lip curled. “A _Skaikru_ thief, caught trying to rob people on the way to the market. I brought him to _Wanheda_ for her judgement.”

John made a noise behind his gag and Clarke quickly did as she had started before Titus had shown himself. Once it was free, John’s mouth began to run and for once, Clarke did nothing to stop him from talking.

“He. Lies. I was captured, yes, but _he_ did this to me. He was trying to get me to answer questions and when he didn’t like the answers I gave…” He looked down at himself. “He told Clarke he would kill her and blame it on me. If you don’t believe me, search him. He has my gun. He was gonna use it on Clarke.”

Lexa stilled. She didn’t just stop moving, she stopped breathing, too, for several moments. Clarke knew that Titus’ life would be forfeit if she did nothing to stop the Commander in the next five seconds. She almost let it happen.

“Lexa, wait. _Beja_ .” The Commander didn’t move, waiting for Clarke to speak. “Titus _was_ going to kill me, but he isn’t now. We’ve come to an agreement. If _jus drein jus daun_ must be met to keep the clans happy and keep the Coalition in place, I can do it. I’ll bring you Pike and the others who slaughtered your people. It will show them all that you _do_ command _Wanheda’s_ power.”

Lexa turned slowly to stare at Clarke, her face it’s usual mask, but her eyes were wide. “What about _jus nou drein jus daun_?”

Clarked sighed and held up her hands. “I know. But if it puts and end to a blockade that could save the rest of my people, I have to try. I know that not everyone in Arkadia agrees with Pike and the sooner he’s gone, the sooner cooler heads will prevail. Besides, your people are in there, too. Sick people. Injured. Pike won’t hesitate to let them die first. I won’t allow that to happen.” The last part of her speech was hard and final. Even if it meant killing every last supporter of that madman, Clarke knew that she couldn’t let innocent people suffer. It was why she had pulled that lever in Mount Weather. The difference was that this time, the innocents she was saving were the ‘enemy’. She could never make up for what she had done in that place, but maybe this would help.

Lexa studied her with those deep, wise eyes - the ones she saw even while her eyes were closed. She had never met anyone who could say so much with only their eyes, the way Lexa did. Now, Clarke could see the Commander weighing what she had said, could see the way Lexa calculated just the right thing to say in front of Titus and Murphy.

“Very well, _Wanheda_. If you can bring Pike and his followers to the city for justice, the blockade will be lifted.”

“I can’t bring them all back, but I’ll make sure to get that _branwoda_ and his top two advisors. I’ll bring them back to Polis to face _Kongeda_ justice.” What she didn’t say was, _I’ll come back to you. I love you._

“If you can do this thing, _Skaikru_ will be welcomed back as the 13th Clan.” Lexa replied, her voice and her expression still tightly controlled. Her body language was guarded, but her eyes. Only a little while ago, Clarke had seen all of Lexa’s walls come down. She’d seen something that she would bet not a single other person had seen - Lexa the young vulnerable woman underneath the Commander. She had seen her shed tears of joy as they kissed and tears of sadness when it was time for them to part. She had known what it was like to be the one Lexa trusted enough to simply be herself. What Clarke heard in her heart as Lexa said those words to her was _Come back to me. I will be waiting._

Suddenly, Titus lurched to his feet, pulling the gun and aiming at Clarke once more. Lexa didn’t hesitate. She stepped in front of the weapon and the man, her carriage erect and her body ready to defend. Titus’ hand shook as the gun suddenly pointed directly at Lexa’s chest.

“ _Hod op,_ Titus. That is an order. Unless you want to be stripped of your title as _Fleimkepa_ and banished to the Wasteland, you will drop that weapon and you will surrender yourself to _Heda’s_ justice.

“ _Heda_ ,” Titus’ voice was pleading, “she bewitches you. You can take her power, you can be the greatest Commander who ever lived. _Beja!_ ”

Lexa stepped forward until the barrel of the gun was pressed into her chest. Clarke tensed. At that range, the bullet would tear through her, and would kill her, and there would be nothing that she could do. The Commander was not afraid, though. She reached up and put her hand on the gun, then she jerked it hard and Titus let go. He backed up as she trained it on him. As far as Clarke knew, Lexa had never fired a gun, but she held it like she knew what she was doing with it, aiming it at Titus’ head.

“I already command the power of _Wanheda_ . I do not need her blood to make it true. You heard _Klark_ , Titus. She will get _jus drein jus daun_ and everything will be settled. There is no need to wipe out an entire clan when we can all live together in peace.”

Finally, Titus broke. He sank to his knees once more, head bowed. “What will you have of me, _Heda_?”

Lexa let out a long, slow breath. So did Clarke. Without turning her back on Titus, Lexa held out the gun. Clarke hurried forward and took it. “First, you will swear to me that you will _never_ try to harm Clake again. In fact you will guard her life as if it were your own and you will remove any threat or danger to her that you find. Swear it.”

Titus didn’t hesitate. “I swear it, _Heda_ .” He looked up and met Clarke’s eyes and she was surprised to see sincerity in them when he said, “I swear it, _Wanheda_ , Clarke of _Skaikru_ has nothing more to fear from me.”

Lexa nodded. “Good. Next, you will go to the Market and bid Octavia to wait. Tell her that I am granting them horses so that the travel to Arkadia will be swift. I will also provide a pass should the blockade try to stop you, Clarke. You are _my_ ambassador and you are _Wanheda_. They will let you through.”

Titus slowly got to his feet and he bowed low before Lexa. “It will be done. What of the _skaiskat_?”

“Murphy is coming with me.” Clarke told him. “I want my mother to look over the wounds you inflicted. Besides, I think he’s had enough of Polis for now, haven’t you, Murphy?”

The injured young man looked between the three people, clearly confused as to what had just happened, but he nodded slowly.

“Go, Titus. You will need to hurry if you are to catch Octavia before she leaves.”

Titus bowed once more and left without another word.

When he was gone, Lexa’s shoulders slumped a little. She looked at Clarke with huge eyes. “Release him. I’ll have the guards bring him food and water. When you are ready, please come speak with me.”

“ _Sha, Heda_.” Clarke replied, her voice quiet and respectful. Lexa dipped her head slightly in acknowledgement before she turned and walked back through the door she had come from.

“Okay,” Murphy began, as Clarke knelt down in front of his chair once more to begin taking off the cuffs around his ankles. “What the _hell_ was that all about? Just what have you been doing here, Clarke? And when did you get so dark?”

Clarke said nothing until his legs were free. “I know you might not believe it, John, but I’m trying to save our people. I… Where have you _been_? How did you end up Titus’ prisoner? Were you really stealing from people on the road?”

Murphy let out a sigh of his own. “It’s a long story. I… I’ve seen some things, Clarke, some really messed up things. You haven’t seen Jaha, have you?”

Clarke untied Murphy’s hands and he rubbed at his sore wrists, giving her a grateful look. “Last I heard he was in Arkadia, preaching about something called The City of Light. Do you know what that is?”

“Yes. And no. Look, it’s going to take too long to explain right now.” As if on cue, the door to the corridor outside opened and a guard came in, carrying a tray of food and a pitcher of what was probably water. Murphy’s stomach growled loudly.

Clarke stood up and helped him get to his feet. He resisted her efforts to help him walk to the table where the food was set down. Clarke dismissed the guard, waiting until the door was closed to speak. “Eat, Murphy. You’ll need your strength. Think you’ll be able to ride to Arkadia with Octavia and I? If not, you might need to find a place to hole up until you feel better. Maybe by then, this will all be over.”

“Oh, I’m going. I need to know what’s going on and both you and Octavia need to know what I know. If you have to tie me onto the horse, I’m riding with you.” He told her, reaching for the pitcher and the cup that had been provided. He filled it up and took a long swallow. “God, I never thought I’d be so happy drinking water.”

Clarke chuckled lightly. “Okay. Eat. I need to talk to Lexa. As soon as Titus gets back, though, we need to go. Be ready.” She set the gun down on the table next to him, but he seemed not to notice it.

“Aye-aye, Captain.” He replied, dryly, digging into the food and seemingly paying her no more attention.

Trepidation gripped Clarke as she walked away from him, towards Lexa’s adjoining rooms.

Lexa was there, pacing back and forth a little way in front of the door. She stopped at Clarke’s gentle knock as she opened the door. Their eyes met and the door closed with a thump before they met in a hard, fierce hug. Lexa buried her face in Clarke’s neck, her entire body suddenly trembling with all of the fear that she’d been holding back.

Clarked held her tightly in one arm, using her free arm to stroke Lexa’s lustrous dark hair. She whispered words of comfort until the Commander’s shaking finally stopped. Lexa raised her head and looked into Clarke’s eyes. Although she wasn’t crying, her own shone with unshed tears. She closed them and leaned her forehead against the woman in her arms.

“When he pointed that gun at you, I was so afraid, Clarke.” Lexa whispered. “I was so afraid that I was going to lose you - after I had just found you.”

Unable to stop herself now, Clarke reached a shaking hand up to cup Lexa’s cheek and the other woman leaned her head into the touch. “So was I,” the blonde admitted. And she had been terrified, but not for herself. She knew that Lexa wouldn’t let anything happen to her, even if it meant that she got hurt in the process. They would have to talk about that. But, not now.

Now, Clarke gave in to the need to be with Lexa. She moved her hand until it cupped the back of the brunette’s head before she tugged and brought her mouth together with Lexa’s. The Commander let out a little gasping whimper and returned the kiss with equal abandon, the way she had earlier. Her hands, though, were a lot less hesitant than they had been and so were Clarke’s.

They stayed that way until the need for breath became an issue. When they parted, though, it was only their mouths. Neither one was ready to let go of the other just yet.

“Did you mean what you said?” Lexa finally asked, “Or was that just to keep Titus from using the gun?”

Clarke grimaced. “Both. I needed to buy time and I needed to appeal to his better nature. He’s old, Lexa, and from what I’ve seen, older people have more trouble letting go of the past than younger ones do. It’s why all of the ambassadors and the leaders of the clans don’t want to accept that you will not seek vengeance on their behalf. They want peace as much as we do, but they are so stuck in their ways that they can’t accept new ones yet.”

“ _Sha_ , you are right about that. Perhaps it is time to accept the resignation of the current ambassadors for new, younger faces, if I am to succeed in bringing peace to the Coalition.” Lexa agreed.

“Perhaps. But let’s take this one step at a time.” Clarke replied. One hand ran up and down the length of Lexa’s spine. She remembered doing that earlier, along bare skin, warm and soft. Someday, she hoped that she would have the chance to do that again. Soon.

Lexa chuckled. Her arms around the blonde loosened a little. She leaned forward and nuzzled Clarke’s nose with her own. It was sort of adorable and not something that Clarke would ever have expected from the Commander. It made her wonder just what else she had to learn about Lexa and once again hoped that she would get the chance. Clarke kissed the tip of her nose, making them both smile.

Finally, knowing that it would only be harder this time around, they released each other and stepped back. Lexa sighed at the loss of Clarke’s warmth and the blonde couldn’t stop herself from reaching for her hand. They twined their fingers together.

“How are you going to get to Pike? Do you have a plan?”

It was Clarke’s turn to sigh. “I don’t know, yet. I’m going to talk to Octavia, see what she says. I know that Lincoln is still in Arkadia and she’s going to want to get him. If I can’t get to Pike, I’ll see about getting everyone who wants to go, out. Once I do that, I’ll get a message to you and if you want, you can still send your army against Pike. I know what I _won’t_ do -- I won’t trust Bellamy again.” She said the name of the man who had been her friend once, but who had turned on everything that they had been trying to build towards. He had let his anger at her for leaving get the better of his usually good judgement. He had followed Pike and he had helped him to murder 299 grounders who had done nothing and had been ordered to protect the people of Arkadia.

It made Clarke sick just to think about it all of the dead bodies she’d seen, of Indra telling her that it had been Bellamy. The only thing that gave her hope was that he’d argued for leaving the injured alive. It meant that somewhere in his heart, he’d known what they were doing was wrong. Maybe she could get him some kind of clemency for that.

“ _Ai hodnes_ ,” Lexa spoke softly, “ _Nou get yu daun. Yu ste yuj._ I believe in you.”

“ _Mochof_ .” Clarke replied. She didn’t know what ‘ _ai hodnes_ ’ meant. Her grasp on the grounder language was better than it used to be, but she had a long way to go before she was fluent. “Bellamy _sou don sad klin_. He used to be my friend, but now… I don’t know what he is. And the others? I know they follow Pike out of fear.”

“Fear of my people,” Lexa added, sadly.

“It’s not your fault, Lexa,” Clarke raised her free hand to stroke her fingertips lightly over the other woman’s cheek. Lexa shivered at her touch, but her lips twitched up in a small smile. “My people still think they can live like we did in space, they think that the ground belongs to them. They’re wrong. We have to learn how to live together or we won’t survive.”

“ _Disha ste ridiyo op_ . I have always thought you were wise, Clarke _kom Skaikru_. Perhaps once this is over, we can start to strive towards the kind of world where we can learn to live together.”

It was Clarke’s turn to smile. “I’d like that.”

“So would I.”


	2. What Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Murphy fill in Octavia and Indra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of The 100 characters, just my story. All mistakes are mine, I've got no beta and I'm only human.
> 
> This is sort of a filler chapter, so if you don't want a bunch of details that you already know, you might skip it. Though I did add a few things that are outside of the 'known'.

Titus had found Octavia exactly where Clarke said she’d be - with the bonus of Indra. Clarke and Indra had a love/hate relationship, but the older warrior knew that Clarke would always try to do the right thing. Titus managed to convince Octavia to wait, giving her the good news, that Lexa was giving them horses to make their journey faster. Octavia, who loved riding horses, had agreed grudgingly. When Clarke and Murphy found them a short time later, leading 4 horses between them, her face had softened.

Lexa had been more than true to her word. She’d given Clarke the best and fastest war horses she could spare from the stable and packed saddle bags. Not only would they have enough food and water to make it back to Arkadia, but for several days after as well. Her only request was that Clarke try to share some of the food with the grounder prisoners. Clarke had promised to do her best and that was good enough for Lexa.

The Commander had also given the fair-haired woman the tiny smile she still wore, even as they mounted and began to trot from the city, back towards Arkadia. Lexa had kissed Clarke softly before she left, in full view of Murphy _and_ to his consternation, Titus.

“ _Be klir, ai hodnes_. Come back to me, Clarke.” There was that phrase again. Clarke was really going to have to ask someone - maybe Indra, maybe not - what it meant.

“I will. We _will_ meet again.” Clarke replied, her heart in her eyes, in her voice. She felt Lexa slip something soft into her hand before she turned away and started walking back into the tower. The blonde watched her go, watched as Titus hurried to catch up with her. She wondered what kind of punishment he would receive for what he’d almost done. Only when Lexa was lost to the shadows did she look down at what she’d been given.

It was hair. Lexa’s dark, soft hair, braided tightly and tied off at both ends. Unable to help herself, Clarke raised it to her nose and inhaled. It was just like she remembered it - the scent of whatever oils were in her bath and the smell of the forest that had clung to her skin, no matter how she washed. Clarke loved it.

Murphy annoyingly cleared his throat loudly and gave her a pointed look. She sighed and put the hair in her pocket. He smirked at her in the way only he could.

“Shut up, Murphy,” Clarke grumbled, taking the lead ropes of two of the horses and starting to walk away. John Murphy simply chuckled and shook his head.

When they saw Octavia and Indra in the near distance, Clarke said, “Please, don’t tell either of them what happened, at least not until we’re somewhere other people can’t overhear.”

Murphy nodded. “I won’t. Why, though?”

Clarke sighed. “Titus was right about one thing -- if anyone knew about me and Lexa, they might try to hurt me to get to her. They did it before. I told Lexa that love doesn’t make you weak, but I wasn’t completely right. Sure, it gives you something to fight for, but it can also make you vulnerable. Lexa can’t afford that, not now. Maybe after we take care of this thing with Pike, it will be different. For now, though, it needs to be kept quiet.” She took a breath, checking on Octavia and Indra’s progress and added, “And because I’m pretty sure what Titus tried to do borders on treason. Lexa won’t kill him, I’m sure, but his punishment won’t be made public, either. _Heda_ needs to have complete control, or at least make it seem that way, or people will challenge her. We can’t have that. If anything happened to her…” Clarke trailed off, not even wanting to think about it. Lexa had come so close to dying today and that had scared Clarke far more than anything else Titus had done.

“Politics?” Murphy asked, making a face. “Never thought you’d be a politician, Princess.” He used the old nickname that had been given to her when they had first landed.

“I’m not,” she protested. “I’m just… Look, when I say we need Lexa, I mean _everyone_ , not just _Skaikru_. She has done things that no other Commander has ever done, and she will continue to do it. We have to help her. Or, I do, at least, because I want to live.” A soft pride welled in Clarke’s chest when she thought about everything Lexa had accomplished. She was so young - only a few years older than Clarke herself - and she commanded a respect that would have only been given to someone twice her age up on the Ark. She fought and bled for her people and she bore the burdens with a soul of steel.

Clarke loved that about her, along with many other things.

“And she’s pretty, to boot, right?” Murphy smirked at her again. Clarke rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t stop the small smile. The _skaiskat_ chuckled and shook his head. “You got it bad, Clarke. It looks good on you.” He turned his attention back to the approaching women, but he wore a different kind of smile now. It made Clarke wonder just what he’d been up to since leaving with Jaha.

Octavia was the first to speak as she approached. “You came through, Clarke. Good. We can make it past the blockade well before dawn.” She looked over at Murphy. “What the hell happened to your face?”

John’s smile turned genuine. “Nice to see you too, grounder pounder. Nothing’s wrong with my face. I’ve always been this devilishly handsome.” That response made Octavia laugh and she and the young man embraced.

While they did, Indra looked Clarke up and down. “ _Wanheda_.” Her expression was neutral.

“Indra. Lexa sends her regards. She was glad to hear that you would be going with us.”

Indra nodded once and said nothing more. Clarke knew that her words had meant to the older woman, though. Even with her arm in a sling, still recovering from nearly being killed, Indra was a force to be reckoned with. She was glad to have her in their party, too.

“Okay,” Clarke said when Octavia and Murphy were finished, “we have to get behind the blockade, but we can’t go straight to Arkadia. Indra, you know the territory. Is there somewhere we can all hide until we come up with a plan?”

“I know of a place, yes.” Indra looked over to Octavia. It was clear that she would follow the younger Blake’s lead.

Octavia stared hard at Clarke for a moment before she nodded. Her dark eyes weren’t overtly hostile, but it was clear that she wouldn’t trust the blonde just yet.

“I promise, once we’ve stopped for the night, I’ll tell you everything. You won’t like it, Octavia.” Clarke promised.

Octavia sighed. “I never do.” With that said, she looked back at the horses. “Which one of these beauties is mine?”

  
                                                                                **100 - 100 - 100 - 100 - 100 - 100**

  
They rode hard for the first hour or so, getting as much space between themselves and Polis as they could. After, they slowed the horses to something much more manageable. Clarke was glad that she’d learned to ride, though she didn’t love it as much as Octavia did. The younger woman was as at ease on a horse as she was with a sword in her hand. Octavia had been training for a while now and Clarke knew that she could be quite lethal if she had to be. That was good, because she had a feeling that they would need it.

Clarke was surprised when Indra called reined her mount to a stop and dismounted. They were well within the blockade and the sun was starting to sink behind the mountains to the West.

“We must travel on foot from here,” Indra told them once they had all stopped and dismounted too. “It’s not far. We will reach it before the sun sets.”

Clarke nodded and indicated that she should lead the way. When Clarke would have stayed at their backs, Octavia stopped her. “I’m rear guard. Go.” Clarke didn’t argue.

The path that Indra took wove them between the trees and through spaces that seemed invisible until you were right on top of them. Clarke wondered if the was the most direct path to where they were going, or if Indra was simply making sure they weren’t followed. She would ask later.

After only a mile or so, they came to a cave. The entrance was barely wide enough to admit the horses, but inside was surprisingly spacious. There was even a fire pit in the centre, clear of any other previous uses. It made Clarke a little nervous, but Indra put her fears to rest quickly.

“I’ve used this place to sleep on many hunts. It is safe and secure. Even if anyone else knows of its location, they probably won’t look here. We are safe for a few days at least.”

That settled, camp chores were divvied up. Octavia and Indra unsaddled and tended the horses, crooning to them as she did. Clarke and John went out to collect firewood and fresh water from a stream nearby. Once they had enough wood, Clarke started a fire and set about making something for everyone to eat. Lexa had been very generous with the food and it would be enough to feed them all well for at least a week, maybe more.

When they were all sitting around the fire with food and drink, Octavia looked pointedly at Clarke. The blonde took several bites of the stew she’d made, enjoying the warmth as it slid down her throat and into her stomach. Finally, she took a drink from a water skin and said, “Okay, so there’s a few things that you all need to know.”

The other three kept eating obviously famished and just as obviously enjoying their meal but waiting for Clarke to say her piece.

“ _Jus drein jus daun_. Blood must have blood. Pike and nine of his followers butchered an army of 300 people while they slept, including the injured.” Clarke knew that both Indra and Octavia knew about it already, but Murphy had been out of the loop.

“299.” Indra corrected her, voice hard. She had been there, and she had been spared by Bellamy because he knew how much Indra meant to his sister.

Murphy paled. “What? Why? Why would he do that?”

Octavia snorted. “He’s crazier than Jaha.”

Murphy swore. “If you only knew what that says about him…” He shook his head, still clearly shocked.

“The thing is,” Clarke went on, when Murphy had subsided, “those warriors were sent there to _protect_ Arkadia from the _Azgeda_ threat. When Kane agreed to join Lexa’s Coalition as the 13th clan, it meant that _Skaikru_ became her people to protect, just as she would any other clan facing a similar threat.”

Indra grimaced and nodded. “ _Heda_ is wise, but the clans fear _Skaikru_ , fear your guns and your tek. Only a few of us volunteered for the mission to guard Arkadia, the rest were forced under penalty of being declared treasonous by the Commander. It’s why so many blame her for the deaths of the warriors. It’s why _Jus nou drein jus daun_ made them so angry.”

Clarke took another bite of food to try and hide her displeasure at what the other woman said. It was clear by her words that Indra didn’t blame Lexa, but it was equally clear that _someone_ needed to pay.

“I don’t get it,” Murphy said, “how did Pike do it? Why didn’t Kane or Abby stop him? They are co-Chancellors, right?”

“Not anymore,” Clarke said after she swallowed. “They held an election and Pike won. He used everyone’s fear of grounders to his advantage. He wouldn’t listen when he was told that not all the clans are like _Azgedakru_. All he sees is the people who killed children on his watch and he can’t forgive them, or himself.” She knew that feeling. The sight of all the irradiated bodies in Mount Weather - men, women, and children - still haunted her dreams. The difference was, she had done what she had to save her people, while Pike killed only out of fear and revenge.

Something that Clarke had realised while she was in Polis was that if Pike had gone to Lexa and asked for the murdered people of Farm Station to be avenged, Lexa would have granted it. _Jus drein jus daun_. An eye for an eye, as the old Earthers had once said. Instead, Pike had simply grown to hate all grounders and he saw no differences between _Azgedaskat_ and the rest. He had never met Queen Nia. Or Roan, for that matter.

The blood looked over at Octavia. “Bellamy joined him. He was part of the massacre. He was the one who let Indra live.” She wasn’t sure how much Octavia knew. The younger woman stopped eating and paled visibly. She looked over at Indra, who had been like a mother to her for quite some time. Murphy made a noise of disbelief.

“He’s scared,” Clarke told them. “When I left after Mount Weather, he had to take on what we’d done alone. It made him angry and it hurt him. This was all at least partially my fault. I just…” she looked down at her hands, seeing blood that wasn’t there. She set her bowl of food down, suddenly not hungry.

“We all do things that we aren’t proud of to protect those we love,” Indra spoke into the weighted silence. She looked kindly at Octavia. “Your brother is not a bad person, Octavia. I think that if Pike’s influence is removed, he will regain the goodness that is within. However, he cannot be allowed in a position of power again.”

Octavia swallowed hard enough that Clarke winced. “Can we save him?” She asked the blonde.

“I want to try. Indra, you said he pleaded for Pike to leave the wounded, right?”

“Correct. He and two others - your friend called Monti and someone else they called Harper.”

“Can we use that? Blood must have blood, but surely, if a soldier is simply following orders, some leniency can be given, can’t it?” Clarke asked. She prayed silently to any entity listening that there was something that could be done to keep Bellamy, Monty, and Harper from dying.

Indra ate more stew while she contemplated the answer. “Like you said, Clarke, blood must have blood. If Pike is turned over for punishment, it can be argued that the others were just following orders. They still have to be punished, but it doesn’t have to mean death.” She stopped talking for a moment before adding, “I can speak to _Heda_ on their behalf. Bellamy’s act of mercy and his request to save the injured show that he is not so far gone as some of the others that night. Some of them - I am a grounder, Clarke, so I know what it is to kill my enemy and enjoy it. Those people… I think they would have bathed in the blood of my slain brothers and sisters and loved it. I believe them to be quite mad.”

“Fanatical.” Clarke said, frowning. “If they’re that bad, will killing Pike stop them or make him a martyr?”

“I don’t know that word,” Indra admitted after a moment.

“A martyr is a person who is put to death or endures great suffering on behalf of a strong belief. People will use that person as a cause do something - like bomb their neighbour or something.” Octavia told her. Bellamy had read history books to her as a child and she loved to hear them.

Indra nodded in understanding. “You think that if we kill him, it will make those who follow him even worse?”

“Exactly.”

Indra ate some more while she thought. One of the things that surprised Clarke was how smart Indra had always been. She covered the intelligence in fierceness and the willingness to fight anything that came at her. It was why Lexa had made her one of her advisors. When next Indra spoke, it was in a slow, thoughtful voice. “From what you say, there aren’t a lot of Pike’s people in Arkadia, just enough to sway a vote. There are probably some who would have defected quietly, afterward. If killing Pike causes them to rise up, we will have the chance to answer and more than enough warriors to take them down.”

“One way or another, justice will be done.” Octavia said, her voice small, but resolute. The only sound for a while was the snap and crackle of the fire and the scrape of wooden utensils on wooden bowls as they finished eating, except for Clarke. The enormity of what she’d promised Lexa she would do and what lay ahead of them was coming to rest on her shoulders and it made her stomach knot up, threatening to bring up what little she’d already eaten.

Indra noticed this and frowned. “You need to eat, _Wanheda_. The only way to stay clear-headed for what lies ahead is food and rest.”

“If you don’t want it, I’ll take it,” Murphy volunteered. “Titus wasn’t much for food or water when he had me. He was more about the questioning and the,” he gestured to his face. Clarke knew by the way her friend held himself that there was more damage that she wasn’t seeing on the rest of his body.

Hearing this, Indra stilled and focussed on the young man. “ _Fleimkeepa_ did this to you? Why?”

“Now that is a question, isn’t it?” Murphy reached to take the bowl of stew that Clarke offered him, but Indra put out a hand to stop him.

“ _Wanheda_ must eat. Even if it comes back up. You cannot battle on an empty stomach.” Looking towards Murphy, she said, “There is more in the pot. Eat and then tell us how you came to be put under Titus’ ungentle care.”

Murphy helped himself to more food, then sat back down and ate it quickly. When he was done, he set his bowl aside and looked around their little group. “It all started when Jaha asked me to take him to the dropship, so he could visit Jr.’s grave. He said he wanted to go with someone who knew exactly which one belonged to Wells. I wanted out of camp, so I went with him. When he was done with whatever, we rested in the dropship before coming back to the Ark. And then people from camp showed up and Jaha started talking about going to The City of Light. He was sure that it existed and that it was a promised land of some kind. I had nothing better to do, so I went with them.”

“Did you find it?” Indra asked, sounding a little breathless. When all eyes turned to her, she shrugged. “ _Soncha Kapa_ is a story that has been passed down for many generations. Every year, someone from my village - sometimes more than one - would go looking for it. They never returned. Tell me, John Murphy, what did you find?”

Murphy looked uncomfortable under the warrior’s direct regard, but he started talking again. “At first, all we found was death. Death and betrayal. We lost two people to a minefield and got all our supplies stolen. We nearly didn’t make it out of the Dead Lands. We found this, I don’t know, _field_ of solar panels and then there was a drone. We followed it. By the time we found water again, there were only four of us left. Me, Jaha, Jake Richards, and Craig Smith. There was a boat, so we got in it and started paddling. We paddled for I don’t know how long. We’d just about given up when Craig spotted land. But there was something big in the water and it hit the boat hard enough that it started leaking. Richards was pulled into the water and I got bit or cut or something. Then Jaha threw Craig overboard and rowed us to shore.”

Murphy stopped talking. He looked sad for a minute. It was so unlike him that Clarke wanted to reach out. Octavia did it, instead. She put a hand on his shoulder and said, “Keep going.”

He let out a gusty breath and said, “Yeah. Okay. Anyway, we got to a beach and there were all these boats just sort of pile everywhere. I was hurt, bleeding and Jaha said he was going to go find help. I don’t know what happened next, but I woke up on the beach. I went looking and I found the lighthouse. Turns out, though, it wasn’t just a lighthouse -- it was a bunker, too. I thought… At first, I thought I’d gone to heaven. There was food, water, a real bathroom. After all that time with Jaha and his craziness, I was just glad to be somewhere that felt safe, you know.

And then I found out what it really was. It was a place where the creators of an AI called A.L.I.E. had come when they found out the world was gonna end. There were three of them, but when one of them found out that A.L.I.E. was the one who launched the nukes - nuclear bombs - he killed himself. God, he…he recorded himself doing it, too. And then, the doors shut, and I was trapped in that place. There was still blood on the couch. The other two had taken the body outside and I think they got locked out. I’m pretty sure they died.” He looked around at them, and his face seemed much older than it had before.

“I was stuck there for 86 days. I nearly ran out of food. And then, the doors just suddenly opened. I went outside, but I was sort of delirious and I passed out. When I came to again, I was in this great big house and someone had cleaned me up.” He shuddered at that. “I found Jaha and he introduced me to A.L.I.E.”

“She’s real?” Clarke blurted, in surprise. She shook her head at her own outburst. “Sorry.”

“She’s real alright. A real pain in the ass. He tried to get me to swallow this weird chip, said it would take me into the City of Light. I thought he was crazy, so I kept saying no. Then, he told me that it was time to leave and bring others ‘onto the path’. We left the house and there was a boat waiting. Emori and I, we tricked Jaha and this big guy he had following him around. Jaha had this case that he’d made so the AI could be portable. Otan, Emori’s brother had already taken the chip and she was scared, so we stole the boat and came back. We were minding our own business when I was attacked. Emori hid herself, but they found the weird chip thing and took me to that Titus guy. You know the rest.”

When he finished, John looked towards the mouth of the cave as though he longed to escape. Maybe he did, or maybe he was thinking about the one called Emori. He hadn’t said anything, but Clarke could tell there were feelings there. Maybe it was because of her own recent experience with Lexa or maybe she was just getting better at reading people, but she would have bet her entire collection of coloured pencils that there was something between Murphy and Emori.

Everyone was silent again, all eyes turned to watching the fire flicker and dance. Fires were one of Clarke’s favourite things about being on the ground. They were beautiful, wild things, and try as she might, she’d yet to be able to draw one that did it justice. Just like a lot of the things they’d found on Earth. Like Lexa. She put her hand into her pocket, curling her hand around the soft braid, longing to bring it to her face, to smell it again. She wished like hell she could be back in Polis with the Commander, back to her role as ambassador. If they managed what they came for, she was going to take the brand of the 13th clan, the way Kane had, no matter how much it hurt to do it. She would also talk anyone else that she could into doing it, too.

“So, the City of Light is not real?” Indra finally asked, breaking the silence again.

Murphy reached up to run his face with his hand and winced as he did. “Oh, it’s real. It’s not a physical place. When Emori first talked about it, she said it was a place where anyone could go and where everyone was accepted. There is no pain or sadness.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.” Octavia commented.

“Yeah, except it turns you into a zombie. I’m pretty sure A.L.I.E. can control your mind. The big guy with Jaha -- Emori hit him and it was like he was a machine. She could have broken his arm or his leg and he wouldn’t have felt it.” John told her. He shook his head. “No thank you.”

“John,” Clarke began, thinking carefully about her words, “why would Emori and Otan want to go to the City of Light? What kind of pain were they trying to escape from?”

His head moved so fast and the eyes that gazed back at her were hot with something that she didn’t quite understand. No, that wasn’t true. He wore the look of someone getting ready to defend someone he cared about. She knew that she had worn that same expression more than once when talking to her mother about Lexa’s decisions.

Ugh! Mom. Would Abby be able to accept what Clarke was going to have to do? Or would it be just like the missile and Tondc all over again. Did it really matter? Hadn’t Clarke told Titus that the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few? It was really that simple. The death of Pike would satisfy the clan’s need for blood and the punishment of Bellamy and whoever else she could get would satisfy the rest of the people. Kane would understand, so maybe he could explain it to her mother and convince her to see reason.

As he looked at her, Murphy’s eyes cooled. He had come to a decision. He said, “Sometimes, a baby is born different. Mutated from the radiation.”

“ _Frikdreina_.” Indra said, but without venom. “They are deformed. Most clans will cast them out while they are still infants, believing that it is a taint in the bloodline. Lexa was trying to change that.”

“She was?” Murphy turned his attention to the grounder woman. “How?”

“ _Heda_ is wise about many things. There was a child born in our village just after Lexa was chosen as Commander. A boy, a _natblida_ , with six fingers on each hand. His parents would have chosen to be rid of him, but his blood made that impossible. As far as we know, there’s never been a nightblood with the deformity and his parents didn’t want him. Lexa was still young, then, and she didn’t understand how parents could not love their child, just because he had an extra finger on each hand. She was angry, and she took the boy back to Polis with her. I think she would have raised him as her own if not for her duties as Commander. Unfortunately, there was nobody else - nobody wanted a deformed child. She gave him to Luna. As far as I know, he still lives with her clan. After that, though, _Heda_ decreed that no parent could abandon a _frikdreina_ child until they were old enough to fend for themselves.”

Hearing that warmed Clarke inside. She was aware that it probably still happened, because Lexa couldn’t be everywhere to enforce the decree, but as she grew in power and in reputation, the people started to take her more seriously. There were serious flaws to telling people that they had to keep deformed children when everything they’d ever been taught told them otherwise. Clarke understood how it might be for a child who was different to grow up being teased and bullied -- she’d seen it on the Ark. Maybe she would talk to Lexa about it when she got back, and they could come up with a better solution.

“Anyway, I think this City of Light is a virtual construct and I think the chip that you have to swallow to get there must bypass the parts of your brain that regulate pain and emotion.” Murphy finally said. He looked at Clarke and asked, “How do we fight that?”

“I don’t know,” she told him, truthfully, “but we will figure it out. We always do.”

“Okay, Clarke, it’s your turn. Spill. What kind of plans do you have for getting Pike back to Polis?” Octavia asked.

Clarke gave the other woman a small smile. “Well, I was sort of hoping you guys would be able to help me come up with a plan.”

Three pairs of eyes widened in surprise, and Octavia started to laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Oh wow, I did not expect the level of support that I received when I posted my last chapter. Thanks to all who left me comments and to those who left me kudos. It's because of you that I went forward with this story. I know this chapter might not be as exciting as the last, but it serves a purpose. It's basically, the 'why are we here now' chapter. Don't worry, I sort of have an idea of what comes next and where I want this to go. Cheers everyone!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke reflects and has a much needed conversation with Octavia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the characters, just my story.

Clarke stood by the mouth of the cave, just close enough that she could see out into the dark forest around her, but still far enough inside to be mostly invisible to anyone who might walk by. Since the entrance to their hiding spot was so narrow, she doubted they would have any trouble, but it didn’t mean someone shouldn’t keep watch. She’d volunteered for first watch since the other three were still pretty injured. Octavia was recovering the fastest, being the youngest of them and the most resilient. Murphy hadn’t even had a full day to heal and he had ridden hard. If he was going to be able to fulfil his part of their plan, he needed some rest. Indra… It was obvious that the older warrior was in pain but doing her best to hide it. Before going on watch, Clarke had taken her aside and retied the sling she was resting her arm in. The relief in Indra’s dark eyes when she was through said a lot. When this was all done, Clarke would make sure that her mother looked at Indra’s wound, if Indra allowed.

Since she was alone now, Clarke took the braid of Lexa’s hair out of her pocket and set it in her open palm. Smiling, she ran a finger over it, feeling the silk of the strands and remembering what it felt like to run her fingers through the thick, heavy mass of it. That thought brought back even more feelings, more memories that were still so fresh it brought a flush to Clarke’s skin.

Her intention when she had gone into Lexa’s room had been to say goodbye. She wasn’t happy about it, but she knew that Octavia was right. There wasn’t anything she could do to help the people in Arkadia if she stayed in Polis, no matter how much it hurt to leave, not knowing if she would ever be back. She also knew that Lexa would understand. After what had happened at Mount Weather, when the Commander had chosen the welfare of her own people over what her heart wanted, Clarke knew that she would see the wisdom in what had to be done.

Seeing the aching devastation in Lexa’s dark green eyes as she told her, despite the other woman’s words of understanding had changed something, though. They had been dancing around how they felt about each other for a good long while - Lexa afraid to make a move because she didn’t want to risk the friendship that was growing between them, and Clarke because she didn’t want to get too close to anyone again, only to have her heart broken - and enough was enough.

Kissing Lexa had been a spur of the moment thought. After their first kiss, in Lexa’s war tent, when Clarke had been adamant that surviving wasn’t a way to live, the blonde had wanted more. She had told the truth then, that she wasn’t ready. Not so soon after what had happened with Finn. It had hurt to say it, but she knew that it was the right thing to do -- even if that brief embrace had left her lips tingling pleasantly. In the time after Mount Weather, Clarke had tried to lose herself, had tried to forget the hope that had blossomed in her chest with that kiss. Niylah had been a nice distraction and had allowed her to feel something other than pain, anger, and guilt. It had not been able to erase the feeling of that kiss, however, and when her lips had touched Lexa’s a second time, it had felt like coming home.

She hadn’t meant it to go further than the kiss goodbye, hadn’t planned on more than that. When she had pulled back and had seen the tear that slid down Lexa’s cheek, had watched the Commander’s lip quiver with all the things left unsaid between them, that had been the end of her resolve and the more she pressed her mouth to the dark-haired beauty, the more she wanted, spurred on by Lexa’s own eager, hungry lips. _God that mouth_! Not only had Clarke loved the way it felt on hers, the way Lexa tasted the first time their tongues met, but it had turned out to be quite talented in other areas as well.

When Lexa had led her the short distance to her bed, sitting down and looking up at Clarke, so lovely and eager and vulnerable, it had blown a fuse in the blonde’s head. They didn’t have time, not enough, for Clarke to do everything that she wanted, but she could give Lexa what they both desperately needed. Afterward, lying beside her, under the linen sheets, tracing her fingers along warm, tanned skin, Clarke had known that no matter what happened in Arkadia, she would never call it home again. Home was Polis, now, with Lexa. They _would_ meet again, Clarke would make sure of it. She only hoped that she didn’t have to turn Arkadia into another Mount Weather to do it.

Footsteps approaching from inside the cave brought Clarke out of her own thoughts. She curled her fingers around the lock of Lexa’s hair, shoving it back into her pocket. A moment later Octavia came into view, moving slowly and a little stiffly. There was just enough light from their fire in the background and just enough from the moon outside for Clarke to see her clearly.

“You should be asleep,” Clarke said, though not unkindly.

Octavia sighed. “I can’t. I’m worried about the plan. So many things could go wrong.” And only a few needed to go right to pull it off.

“I know. It’s our best option, though.”

“You really trust Murphy not to sell us out?” Octavia leaned against the cave wall, across from Clarke, not meeting her gaze. The younger Blake had not forgiven Clarke for leaving after Mount Weather, nor could she stop being angry at her for staying in Polis with Lexa.

“I do. Whatever happened with Jaha, and after, it changed him. I know there’s more to what Titus did to him than he told us, but it will have to wait until all of this is settled, I think.” Clarke replied.

Octavia nodded, trusting Clarke’s judgement despite her feelings. “I’m worried about Bellamy.”

“So am I.” Clarke admitted. “What he did… God, Octavia, it boggles my mind! He didn’t even seem sorry! If I didn’t know him better, I would have said he _liked_ the killing. If Indra hadn’t told Lexa that he asked to spare the injured, I would be afraid that he’s too far gone to save.”

“How will you do that? Save him, I mean.”

Clarke rubbed her hand tiredly over her face. “I think Indra might help, and I might be able to beg Lexa for clemency if she’s allowed to punish him publicly. Banishment, maybe, or imprisonment for a time. I learned a lot in Polis, but I still don’t know exactly how the laws work past _jus drein jus daun_.”

“Beg? You would do that? _You_ , Clarke Griffin, would _beg_ for my brother’s life?” Octavia was sceptical, and it showed. She had once believed in Clarke’s ability to lead them, but it had eroded away with each day she was absent from Arkadia. But she _wanted_ to believe in her again, needed _something_ to believe in, because Bellamy had let her down so completely.

“Not just his. Monty, Harper, Jasper, all of them. Pike used their fear against them, I know it. When cooler heads are in charge again, I think it’ll be better.” Clarke told her. “I don’t want anything to happen to our people, Octavia, I don’t _want_ to turn them over to grounder justice, but if it doesn’t happen, you and I both know that _nobody_ in Arkadia will survive the might of the Commander’s army.”

Octavia scoffed openly at that. “You mean _if_ she uses it. Maybe she’ll take the cowards way out again. She doesn’t have to give the order, plenty of the clans want all _Skaikru_ dead. They believe that we are a plague on this Earth. Sometimes, I think they’re right. Jasper hates your guts, by the way, and Lexa’s.”

Anger suffused Clarke for a moment at Octavia’s vicious words against Lexa, then reigned in her temper. It wasn’t Octavia’s fault that she couldn’t see that what the Commander had done and what Lexa _would_ have done were two very different things. She wasn’t sure if it was something that the younger woman would ever understand. After all, she didn’t have the luxury of spending time with both _Heda_ and Lexa. It wasn’t that they were two different people, but that the Commander had learned to put walls up around Lexa the woman, to keep her safe from all the hard decisions she had to make. Clarke understood better now, though the cost had been high. It also hurt her heart to hear what she already knew about the young man who had once been her friend. Not that she blamed him in the least.

“If the Commander gives the order to attack Arkadia, she’ll be with the army when she does. I know you think she’s a coward for what she did, but Octavia, can you honestly tell me that if you had been offered that same choice - our people or _Trikru_ \- that you wouldn’t have done the same thing? I’m not sure I wouldn’t.” She said the last part so quietly that she wasn’t sure Octavia heard her until the girl let out a small half-strangled groan.

“I don’t know, Clarke. It’s so easy to _hate_ her. If she had kept her word, if we had been allies and taken that bunker the way it should have gone, you and Bell and Monty wouldn’t have had to kill all those people. Their deaths are on her hands as much as they are yours. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yes. I hated her, too. I tried to kill her, Octavia, for what she did.” Clarke admitted. “I held a knife to her throat and she let me do it.”

The incredulous expression on the face of her friend would have been funny if not for the situation. “ _What_? Clarke, are you crazy? If you killed the Commander, they’d kill _you_! No trial, no 1000 cuts, you’d just _die_.”

The blonde looked down at the ground. Her hand curled around the braid in her pocket hard enough that she thought she could feel each and every strand as it dug into her skin. “I know. For a while, it’s what I thought I wanted, what I deserved, for what I’d done.”

“So, what changed? How did you go from assassin to ambassador?” Octavia asked, her voice now curious and non-hostile.

Clarke sighed. She didn’t want to tell anyone what had happened. It had been a private moment between her and Lexa. However, she knew that Octavia needed to hear it because it would help her to deal with her own anger on the subject. “I tried, I really did. When Roan - the new king of _Azgedakru_ \- brought me in to Lexa to keep me ‘safe’, I spat in her face. I was so, so angry that just _seeing_ her made me go a little insane. Do you know what she did?” Octavia shook her head. “She gave me a room, she gave me a bath, clean clothes, food. She treated me like an honoured guest, even knowing how much I hated her.”

“Why? Why didn’t she just kill you, the way the Ice Nation Queen wanted to, take whatever power it gave her, and be done with it?”

Clarke’s mouth ticked up at the corner. She had wondered the same exact thing. At first, she thought it was because, unlike Queen Nia, Lexa wanted to give her a fighting chance. After all, simply beheading her wasn’t all that sportsmanlike. She had figured that Lexa would make a spectacle of it, a show of killing her to take her ‘power’ as _Wanheda_. After all, it would have made her the most powerful Commander to ever live and not a single person would have dared disobey her after that.

“Because Lexa isn’t stupid and because she genuinely felt terrible about what she did.” Octavia scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Octavia, listen to me, please. Hate the Commander all you want, but _Lexa_ is a person, just like you and me. She has feelings and she doesn’t always like what she has to do to keep her people safe. The Coalition is all her - her idea, her plans, her fights, her legacy - and she will do what it takes to keep it safe. Safety, Octavia, that’s all she wants. And she wants us to be safe, too. All of us. _Skaikru_ may live in the Ark, but we’re grounders now and we need to learn how to live together or we will be wiped out.” Clarke stopped talking then, realising that she’d let her feelings get the better of her. Octavia was staring at her with wide dark eyes, so much like Bellamy’s that it hurt her heart just a little.

“Wow.” Octavia finally said, when she’d gotten over her shock. “I haven’t heard a good ‘Clarke speech’ in a while. It’s kind of nice, actually.” Her mouth twitched up in a slight smile. “Lincoln says the same thing. And Nyko. I guess I should get with programme, then, right?”

Clarke chuckled. “I don’t expect you to be best friends with the Commander, but you might try giving _Lexa_ a chance. Let’s get through this and then you and Indra can come back with me to Polis. You'll see."

"I don't know, Clarke. I'll talk to Lincoln when he's free. Lexa did let him go, to come back to me. Maybe she'll forgive him?" Octavia sounded hopeful.

"I'll talk to her." Clarke promised. "She's not unreasonable."

"You sound so sure of her. Like Indra." She glanced toward where her friend slept. She said in a quiet voice, "Indra named me Octavia _kom Trikru_. Before the mountain. But I wouldn’t go, when the horn sounded the retreat, I wouldn’t leave Bellamy and our friends in that place to be killed. So, she cut me off, I wasn’t her _seken_ anymore. It broke my heart, but… it’s part of why I’m so angry at Lexa.”

“I get it,” Clarke told her, and she did. Every one of the _Skaikru_ who had been left in Mount Weather had a right to hate Lexa for what she did. She knew that Pike had used that to scare people into doing what he wanted them to do. The only person who truly understood had been Kane and he’d used that understanding to try to make a better future for all their people, despite what had happened. Clarke desperately hoped that he would be willing to do it again, once Pike was out of the way.

Octavia pushed herself away from the wall, standing up a little straighter than before when she did. “I can’t promise anything, Clarke, but I’ll try to do better.”

“That’s all any of us can really do. Go try to get some sleep.”

Octavia nodded once and went back into the cave, leaving Clarke to muse over what had just happened.

  
                                                **100 - 100 - 100 - 100 - 100 - 100**

  
“Okay, you look pretty pathetic,” Clarke told Murphy as he stood by the mouth of the cave, ready to do his part in the plan. “They’ll let you in for sure. You don’t even have to lie - a grounder did that to you.”

Murphy gave her a crooked grin. “Yeah, never thought old crazy would be good for anything. Sleeping on a stone floor doesn’t feel all that great, either. Wait until a couple of hours after dawn, then meet me where we said. I’ll make sure that it’s all in place and ready to go. I’ll tell your mom.”

“Thanks, Murphy.”

“Naw, Princess, don’t thank me until we figure out how to defeat Jaha. Pike will be a cake-walk compared to _that_ madman.”

Clarke sighed heavily. “Yeah. Be careful, please.”

“Aw, glad to know you care.” Murphy gave her another one of his trademark smirks.

Clarke rolled her eyes and held out her hand. Murphy grasped her forearm and she his. “May we meet again,” she said, seriously.

“Oh, we are so meeting again.” He told her and pulled her in for a brief hug, his dark eyes gleaming. Then he let her go and disappeared outside.

The first part of the plan was simple. Murphy would stumble up to the Ark and beg for entrance. Since they knew that Jaha was there and since Murphy had gone with him to find the City of Light, he would likely be admitted. Hopefully, given the way that he looked, they would first send him to see Abby in the infirmary. He would let Clarke’s mother know that she was okay, that she was safe, and then he would move on to checking out the best way to sneak the grounder prisoners out. He thought that he already knew, because of how Octavia had gotten out in the first place. Of course, Kane had helped her, then, so hopefully he’d be able to help them again.

When the prisoners were all out and safe, Clarke and Octavia would go in for Pike and his followers. Another part of what Murphy would do while he was there - if he had time - was to try to ferret out exactly who followed Pike and who his top lieutenants were. They knew Bellamy was one, but the others, not so much. Clarke sincerely hoped that it wouldn’t be Monty or Harper or any of their other friends. She still hoped that most of Arkadia was worth saving.

When Murphy was gone, Octavia took over watch and Clarke went to try to sleep for a few hours. It wouldn’t be much, even if she could actually fall into anything less fitful than a doze. Her stomach was still in knots and more than anything, she _missed_ Lexa.

A few months ago, she wouldn’t have thought that it was possible. A few months ago, all she’d wanted was to kill the Commander and then die herself. It would have been fitting, after all the death that she had caused - 300 grounder warriors burned alive, over 250 men, women, and children of Mount Weather, and countless others in the name of protecting her people. Now, whenever she closed her eyes, all she could see was Lexa’s smile and the way her dark green eyes lit up from within. They hadn’t had all that much time together, at least not really, but Clarke knew that they _would_. She believed it more than she had ever believed in anything else. All she had to do was get through the next day or two and she would be back in Polis. Back with Lexa.

Yes, they still owed things to their people - no matter how much she tried not to, Clarke knew that it would be that way probably for the rest of her life. Soon, her people would be Lexa’s people, too, and if she was lucky, it meant that she no longer had to do it all alone. If her people were Lexa’s, then Lexa’s people would be hers, too, and that meant Lexa didn’t have to do it all by herself, either. A real partnership.

That thought made Clarke smile and it helped her to relax.

Indra shook her awake a short time later. Groaning softly, Clarke sat up and rubbed blearily at her eyes. One of her hands was clenched into a fist, when she opened it up, she found the braid that Lexa had given her. She must have taken it out of her pocket while she slept. Interesting, because she had actually been able to sleep, no nightmares to plague her.

She put the hair back in her pocket and got up slowly, stiffly. Too long living in Polis and sleeping in a real bed had made her soft and her muscles were sore.

“It is almost dawn,” Indra told her. She handed Clarke a canteen of water, a chunk of bread, and some dried meat strips. With her stomach no longer in a knot, Clarke took them and ate quickly, taking small sips of water between bites. She knew that she would need her strength since they weren’t taking any supplies with them.

“How long did I sleep?”

“Not long, maybe three hours. It will take half that to get to Arkadia.” Indra told her, stoking the fire and adding a piece of wood. It wasn’t cold outside, but inside the cave was a little nippy. The fire wasn’t large, either since too much smoke could bring unwanted attention to their hiding place.

Clarke nodded and continued eating. “That won’t give Murphy much time to get things into place.”

“No, but to wait any longer makes him vulnerable -- not just to Pike, but to Jaha as well, if what he says can be believed.”

“I know,” Clarke replied, her voice calm, even if her heart rate had already started to climb with anticipation. “I didn’t like sending him there. I was surprised that he even agreed to do it, after everything he’s been through.”

“Yes,” Indra agreed, “he surprised me, too. Perhaps he is not the _skaiskat_ that he once was.”

“Oh, he is,” Clarke chuckled. She finished her food, drank a little more and got to her feet again. “Okay, I’ll get Octavia and we’ll go. Stay here. If things go right, she and Lincoln and Murphy should be back near midday with the prisoners. Maybe even my mom. Just be ready to feed them - they’ll be hungry.”

Indra nodded. She wasn’t happy about staying behind, but Clarke had pointed out that she was too conspicuous. There wasn’t any way to cover up her tattoos or make her look like less of a grounder. Someone needed to stay with the horses, to be ready for the others when they finally made their escape. A warrior does what is needful for the good of her people.

“ _Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim_.” The older woman held out her arm. Clark grasped her forearm.

“We will. _Ai gonplei nou ste odon_. I promised Lexa that I’d be back, and I can’t very well break my promise to _Heda_ , can I?”

The grin Indra gave her was wolfish and far more understanding than Clarke was comfortable with. “No. You cannot. _Ste klir, Klark kom Skaikru. Wanheda_.”

Clarke knew a dismissal when she heard one. She gave a slight bow of her head to Indra, then left the cave, collecting Octavia on the way out.

  
                                                **100 - 100 - 100 - 100 - 100 - 100**

  
Sleep and food had done what was needed. Clarke’s energy spiked with her adrenaline, but not uncontrollably. She and Octavia pushed hard to make it to Arkadia in less time than Indra’s hour and a half estimate. Once there, it wasn’t hard to see that this was not going to be easy. Patrols inside the walls had been doubled, and they were even more heavily armed. Pike, it seemed, knew that the grounders would retaliate against the slaughter of their people. Not all the security detail was _with_ Pike, though. This was where the months of Clarke’s self-imposed exile were put to good use.

Because she didn’t want to be found or noticed, Clarke had needed to stay on her toes. She had done a great deal of hiding, of watching. She studied body language, not just words. While she and Octavia hunkered down, well hidden from watchful eyes, Clarke pointed out what she saw.

“Those two - Ravinov and Poletsky - they’re with Pike. See their eyes, the way they look for everything? But those two - Chauncey and Catchpol - they’re bored. They don’t really care and the first two - watch.” Octavia did and as the two sets of guards passed each other, Clarke saw Ravinov give the other two a hard glare, making them hurry past. Octavia nodded, seeing it too.

“So, there aren’t enough people loyal to Pike to put on guard duty?” The younger woman asked.

“Maybe. Or maybe he’s trying to be diplomatic? Like saying, ‘I trust you to keep us safe, even if you don’t agree with me?’ I don’t know.” Clarke admitted. “I don’t know him. I mean… I _knew_ him, back when he was my teacher, but not now. The _Azgeda_ must really have been bad. I know Nia was.” And her little nightblood pet, Ontari.

“They killed children playing in the snow, Clarke.” Octavia said, shivering at the thought.

Clarke blanched. “ _What_? I didn’t know. The Commander didn’t know.” She swore under her breath. That could make things easier, though. If _Azgeda_ had taken innocent lives, the lives of _children_ , then maybe clemency for some of the people from Farm Station could be negotiated.

“The Commander didn’t know that her people attacked ours?” Octavia asked, her voice full of disbelief.

“She didn’t. If she did, those _banwoda’s_ would all be dead, and Nia wouldn’t even have been able to issue her ridiculous vote of no confidence.” Clarke said. “Or maybe she would, but I don’t think it would have been as legitimate as she made it.”

It was Octavia’s turn to look shocked. “No confidence? Why?”

“Because she asked us to the 13th Clan. Because we agreed. Because Nia believed that she knew better than _Heda_.” Clarke said. She could not forget the day Lexa had fought Roan. Her heart had been in her throat the entire time. For a few minutes, she’d even been sure that Lexa would die. It had hit her then just how much she cared about the Commander, how much Lexa had come to mean to her. The idea of losing her had caused the wall of anger, hate, and hurt to crack and crumble. It had been the start of something new, something that Clarke had been denying for far too long.

Octavia seemed to think over Clarke’s words. “I don’t like what she did at Mount Weather, but… She was really willing to die to protect _Skaikru_?”

“Yes. We are part of the Coalition now, whether Pike likes it or not. He will answer for his actions against _Trikru_ and by extension, the Commander. Once the clans see this, they will stand behind Lexa’s decision to bring us into the alliance.” Clarke said.

Octavia nodded slowly. “Okay. Fine. Just… please don’t let her kill Bellamy. He’s my brother, Clarke.”

“I know. I promise, Octavia, I’ll talk to Lexa. We’ll fix all of this.”

After that, they waited some more. Timing the patrols and deciding which pairs would be easiest to take out and how to do it without being noticed. It wouldn’t be easy, but it was doable with the two of them. Clarke had actually learned a few things about fighting while she was in Polis. Hopefully, though, Murphy would come through for them.

They stayed in place for what Clarke thought was an eternity, until the guards changed. Gone were the two obvious Pike cronies, replaced with Nathan Miller and Harper McIntyre. The other two stayed the same, but it put Octavia and Clarke in notice. Only a few minutes later, the four guards stopped to talk to each other, everyone being friendly as could be.

So, it came as a shock when Miller and Harper suddenly produced syringes and injected Chauncey and Catchpol in the necks. The two went down easily enough, lowered gently to the ground. Harper rushed to the fence, then, and after a moment, a panel of metal, big enough to need more than one person to handle it was removed. The two guards stood there, their eyes searching.

Octavia moved to show herself, but Clarke shook her head. “I go. You wait for Murphy and Lincoln and the others. Make sure they get to Indra safely, please.”

“Clarke! I know we agreed, but maybe I can talk some sense into my brother.” Octavia argued.

“No! Octavia, you know I’m right. I won’t hurt him unless I have to, but if he won’t come…” Clarke insisted.

Octavia sighed. Her hazel eyes flashing with barely contained frustration. “Fine. Go. If you aren’t back at the cave by midday, we’re going back to Polis without you.”

Clarke nodded. Then, taking a deep breath, she stood up and showed herself to Harper and Miller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Thank you for all the kudos! You are the absolute best! I'm having a blast with this one! Hope you liked this chapter better than the last. I really thought that Clarke and Octavia needed to have a chat about Lexa. Also, Lincoln didn’t need to die either and since it was his death that started Octavia’s descent into becoming Blodreina, I sort of wanted to change that, too. I mean, go big or go home, right? Don’t worry, I sort of know where this is going… Cheers!

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first shot at Clexa fic. I hope you have enjoyed it. I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to keep this a one-shot or if I want to go further and see just how things would have gone is Lexa had been alive. Would she have accepted the City of Light? Would she have fought it? How would the bunker have worked out if Lexa were commander and not Octavia? Lots of questions, but still, it might be fun... At any rate, hope you like this. Cheers!


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